To a certain extent kindness has always been natural to me. 

Wow, that sounds incredibly conceited. Let me rephrase – kindness has always been the standard. When I ever hold open a door for you, help you pick up stuff you dropped, chat back in the elevator, that is all just stuff I should be doing, stuff everyone should be doing. It never seemed like I was going out of my way, it was more like I was fulfilling my purpose. And gladly, I like that, I like doing kind things. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to see people happy, or even just smiling a little. 

But this has surprisingly created an issue. A good 90% of the time I’ve been alive, I have been incapable of just taking appreciation for my actions. Hence the title of this post. 

In middle school, my institution provided students with… oh what were they called… Bates Bucks! Little printed out dollars with a cougar (not that kind of cougar you freak) on the front. And you would earn these by doing good in class and participating, or just generally being helpful. 

Now, I felt extremely bad for all my teachers in middle school, and would constantly assist them in the ways I could. They have a hard job wrangling misbehaving kids, and upon noticing this I made it my job to ease that load as much as possible for them. Not totally of course, I was still a little kid, selfish and whiney and just generally as awful as middle schoolers are. But still – I would try. I would help rearrange desks, cut out supplies, all that good kid stuff, and of course I would inevitably be offered rewards and incentives and all those goodies. And most times I was offered, I said “No thanks!”. 

Simply the fact that my teacher seemed appreciative and that it was a good thing to be doing was enough. I mean, I would actively avoid getting awards and things of that nature, it just seemed in a way a bit awful to be working hard just for recognition. 

But anyways, what was my reasoning for the denial of money for services? It went against the entire school economy! The TP (Teacher’s Pet) stock was plummeting, the SOTM (Student of the Month) index was crashing! But there I was, using the same reasons every time: you don’t do a good thing for the reward, you do it because it is good. 

Immediately some of you might realize that my reasoning does not exclude accepting thanks, whether that is in verbal or monetary form. But little kid me was convinced the mantra excluded any gain. I was like Robin Hood, except if I was him I wouldn’t be stealing from anybody, it would be more like I was just digging in the dirt for worms then gifting them to the poor. Here’s your kindness worm teach, hope you like it. 

I guess my problem was the fact that I did know a reward would be offered. It’s not usually surprising when someone thanks you, and little kid me always said “you’re welcome” even though the thanks never really meant much. I understood that not many other kids were trying to be helpful, but that never lowered the standard. The thanks I was getting was akin to someone telling me thank you for breathing, how do you even respond to that? I would feel bad if I didn’t, so why are you so appreciative?

So as I grew up, I just never internalized what a thank you is for. It’s a recognition of service, sure, but what else is it? Well, a genuine thank you, a real heartfelt one, that is just pure appreciation isn’t it. I knew what I was doing was appreciated way back when, but appreciation itself was not registered as being very important. But it means a lot doesn’t it? I appreciate my wonderful wonderful girlfriend all the time, and oftentimes I show that through a simple thank you. And man, that thank you carries a world of burdens lifted and hope for humanity. It’s like a wave of pure, unadulterated thankfulness for the other person. 

As somebody who is used to performing service, you can forget what it’s like to have service done for you. It’s so relieving now, I just never noticed how little it can be found before. I mean seriously, so many people will just let that door fall when a second of holding it would be lovely, and so many people just walk right on by that person who dropped all their stuff. Recently it feels like the number of people waltzing around this Earth just for themselves is growing, which is worrying for sure.

While I believe acts of kindness are still the standard, you are cutting yourself short if you do not recognize that acts of that sort are not always common. And that is where that thank you lies, it’s not just recognition, it’s the added observation of something personally lovely. 

And it is lovely, thank you for holding that door, thank you for helping me pick up, thank you for talking to me. The world would be so so so much worse if there was no one out there being kind, if there was no one to thank. So when you get those thank yous, don’t be like a very young and stupid little child, accept them with grace knowing that you have done a good thing, and that person is genuinely happy that you are there. 

Humility is not the denial of a thank you, it is the acceptance of your worth to the degree that is due. No more, and especially no less. So be happy with your goodness, and let others be so as well.